Sweeney's Pizza Parlour

On a dark rainy highway, cool wind up my nose
Felling kind of hungry, MacDonalds was closed
Up ahead through the downpour I see a bright neon light
My stomach rumbles and my chain falls off, I have to stop for a bite

Then I walk through the doorway, my vision’s a blur
Up wanders a waiter “can I help you sir”
“Take a seat by the window, let me hang up your coat
“You look like you’re famous. Are you Arthur Sproat?”

Welcome to Sweeney’s Pizza Parlour
Such a spicy place, such a spicy place
Plenty of dough in Sweeney’s Pizza Parlour
There’s all you can eat, if you can stand the heat

My fork is def’nitely twisted, my knife edge is rough
I can tell that the pizza is crusty and tough
So I order a hot one, with chillis galore
I take a bite, my face turns red, and I fall to the floor

So I call to the waiter; “please bring me some wine!”
“We lost our liquor licence, in seventy-nine
“The students that came then would keep you awake.
“They drank too much, they sang too loud, then they fell in the lake”

Welcome to Sweeneys Pizza Parlour
Such a costly place, such a costly place
With plenty of dough in Sweeney’s Pizza Parlour
You can eat your fill, if you can pay the bill

Splatters on the ceiling, cheese caked on the walls
The waiters are students, from Trinity Hall
And in the steamy kitchen, the ice-cream melts quick
But if you eat it too quickly it makes you feel sick

Last thing I remember, I’d just paid my bill
I had to put my bike clips on ‘cause I felt pretty ill
“Goodnight,” said the waiter, as I put my coat back on
“You can check out any time you like, but your bicycle has gone!”