A Tale Of The Raj

The sun was fiery red and I had lost my way
I hadn’t got a clue where I could be
A can of Double Diamond would ease my plight I thought
‘Cause you know where you are with D.D.

I drank my beer and turned about
And soon I found my home
You’ll be amazed by what it was I found
I should not have left the natives and the bearers on their own
For they’d upped and burned my house down to the ground

For the sun in India scorcheth; it shineth wonderous hot
And we poor sahibs get very quickly dry
And it’s made the natives looney; they’re an evil evil lot
And sing “ugh-wallah-ugh-wallah-ugh,” don’t ask me why

As I viewed the smoking ashes of the house where I had lived
I found I just had to feel quite sad
Then I found my poor wife lying in the ashes of the porch
They had ravaged her, they must have been quite mad

But I’m a brave English soldier, not at all a coward
So I had to wreak a terrible revenge
So I dived into the cellar and searched it for three days
But there weren’t any natives there in the end

For the sun in India scorcheth; it shineth wonderous hot
And we poor sahibs get very quickly dry
And it’s made the natives looney; they’re an evil evil lot
And sing “ugh-wallah-ugh-wallah-ugh,” don’t ask me why

I stayed there for another day to make sure the place was safe
Then I cautiously came out to find my horse
I eventually coaught it and rode of at a pace#
For I had to warn the garrison, of course

How I wished I’d brought some beer, how I wished I’d brought my hat
As my face was slowly burned to lobster red
But I struggled on to Lucknow and staggered bravely in
And found that all the garrison was dead!

For the sun in India scorcheth; it shineth wonderous hot
And we poor sahibs get very quickly dry
And it’s made the natives looney; they’re an evil evil lot
And sing “ugh-wallah-ugh-wallah-ugh,” don’t ask me why

What then could I do I was helpless and alone
And my knees were knocking fit to scare my horse
And the natives were revolting – it’s that curried muck they eat
Which left me with one single choice, of course

For the sun in India scorcheth; it shineth wonderous hot
And we poor natives get very quickly dry
And it’s made the sahibs all looney; they’re an evil evil lot, and sing
“it’s made the natives looney they’re an evil evil lot
And sing  “ugh-wallah-ugh-wallah-ugh,” don’t ask me why